Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
