After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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