My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
