her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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