where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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