I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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