You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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