I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
