he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
