the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize