somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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