I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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