did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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