Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
