Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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