I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
