life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
