I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
