I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
sex in a hospital.. check
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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