new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
