She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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