if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
