some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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