i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Welp...herpes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
