just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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