So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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