OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
