i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
