I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
