He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
