Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In America we eat man semen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
