life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
