I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
