Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
