Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
