You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
