My room smells like vodka and shame
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
