I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
