Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
