I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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