so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
