i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
