why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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