I could have mohawked her pubes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
