I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
