guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had sex on a roof
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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