Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
