i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The uberlube is also flammable
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
