So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
