my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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