she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
