New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
