I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
