So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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