Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
