He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
