Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
