i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize