I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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