I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
