i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize