I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize