It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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