i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
