at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
