Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
