I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
