Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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