Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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