I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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