We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
