Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We named our party play list daddy issues
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
