so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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