then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize