Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
