I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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