so explain again why im purple
no
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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