told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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