I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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