Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
