A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
