I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
