NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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