I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
