They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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