i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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