Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
