I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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