if only i could text you this smell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
