im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize