Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this hospital has no fireball
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
