nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
