"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
