Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
