He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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