Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
