Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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