Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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