He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
