I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need water and some morals
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
