I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
