I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
