She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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