i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
