He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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