i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
